“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!”
I have to confess first in order to then celebrate the redemptive work of Jesus and His Grace washing all over me.
For too long I have been living in the land of being offended. Jesus hit me with the hard truth tonight, that I do not have that right. For too long, I have been disobedient in staying put in the actions of someone else towards me. I do not own the right to even be offended anymore. I do not own the right to camp out here anymore.
In July, I was blindsided by some deceptive situations coming into the light. I lived in it over a month, hoping that it would dissolve. It ended up in the complete violation of my privacy and the attempted defamation of my name… of who I really am. I have spent months harboring and mulling over a short season to the unhealthy point that it has become a very long and hard season of bitterness in my heart. It has felt like a lump of hot coals in my chest. I am not free because I have willingly decided to live like this.
There have been times I have kept quiet and times where my anger slips out into my words and actions. I have allowed fear and hurt to rob me of sleep and peace. However, the greatest tragedy is not how someone hurt me, that is completely irrelevant now, but it is how I have allowed myself to live there.
I willingly chose to allow pride to keep me justifiably living in the land of being offended. This is directly in offense to God as I have chosen to keep alive “I am right.” He transcends my selfish notion of “my bitterness is justified.” I have allowed “being right” to take priority over the fact that I have been made right in Jesus and He is refining me to make me sanctified over and over.
I have crippled myself, enabled my anger, stolen from myself what I know is freely living. All because of pride. Pride in being justified and living offended by someone, directly points to my heart and other things wrapped up within this situation. Typically it is our own brokenness and a deep-rooted issue within ourselves to why things bring out such an intense reaction. This short season brought out a lot of broken seasons and pains that I have never dealt with in my own life. Living in the land of offense never stems from one initial offense but from the years of layering and burying other pains and brokenness.
We have to allow ourselves grief, pain or anger when it is appropriate and then we relinquish, we have to release it. We cannot camp out there or make it our dwelling place. What happened to us may not be our fault but it becomes our responsibility of whether or not we’re going to camp out there or move on to the better and Living Land. The lands of anger, bitterness and hurt are DEAD, nothing flourishes. This home is lonely, miserable and consuming. The land of Jesus is ALIVE and all is flourishing. This home is warm and self-giving.
Jesus asks us to abide in Him. To dwell, make our home, stake our claim in His land. He asks us to “pitch a tent” on the Land of the Living. We sit at crossroads… do I make my home in my emotions of resentment or bitterness or grief or insecurity or do I steadily place my feet on the Promise Land of Jesus’ healing and holy confidence.
He wants us whole and complete, not lacking in anything. Wholesome, full of pure joy for our Jesus who rescues all who let Him in. He will do anything and walk with us to shoulder any dark valley so that we may be whole.
Jesus, may I live in Your land of wholeness and being completely and utterly fulfilled by You alone. Remove all barriers, all blinders. Remove the victim mentality so I can walk in victory. Reveal so that I may be free to things I did not realize have taken stronghold in me. Release my unholy emotions and pride to be dissolved and replace in their places, good and holy things. Move within me so I can move forward. Remind of Your Forgiveness of Sins and the brokenness of who I am when I try to live a part from You so I may forgive and see the heart of people and not merely human surface actions of the deeper problem we all have.
In Your Name, I am going to go,