Please Bring About a Miracle in My Heart

Nearly everyday I ask Jesus, “please bring about a miracle in my heart.” I believe that my heart can easily become hard and damaged if I do not allow Jesus’ softening power and healing into my heart. There are mornings I really don’t want to face the day as a deaf person… of being misunderstood, of being frustrated, of feeling left out and unconnected to people. Hints of those feelings come everyday and in my old ways, I revert to being hard and guarded of wearing “my blank, disinterested, don’t-talk-to-me face.” I have depression and sit up to face the day with joy. Shocking right, for those who see me smiling at events and in pictures, that I have depression. People have accused me of being fake because of always smiling and carrying on in the middle of ministry while experiencing pain. Recently a woman showed up to an event just to see if “she is real because no one can be happy all the time and seem put together. She has to be a fake.” What someone perceived as inauthenticity is actually me trying to live my life day to day in JOY through what would take most people down. Honestly, there are days where I feel inwardly in a hole but instead I’ve chosen to get out of bed and face the day in unshakable joy. Sometimes I fail and I do not handle it in love or with understanding. Yet I am taking active steps in learning what parts of my heart are “lying on the mat”, where I need healing, so I can stand up off that mat in Jesus’ name and pick it up so people may see what I’ve overcome in His power. In this picture, I’m signing “silence.” It is similar to the sign of “peace” because in my silence, there is the Peace of Jesus. He is working even though there are days when it is lonely and no one understands. He hears me and He understands. I pray for a miracle in my own heart everyday so I can face the day in His joy and through His lenses. My own heart must be whole and a miracle-breeding ground that I can keep on living my life in Freedom. The hardest work is in my own heart. In His eyes, deafness is not a hindrance but a part of the rescue plan that brought @deafyounglife, @aidthesilent and @goodvibrationsmusicfestival into existence.